You know something??  It’s pretty funny that you 25 yr old and over chicks are calling me old.  How ironic is that??  Don’t you chicks realize that relatively speaking, … you’re past your peak already?  The battery warning lights on your biological clocks are *blinking* “WARNING!!”  AHAHAHAHAHA!!

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Today, I was hanging out with my mom and she plucked out 6 grey hairs.  A week ago, my friend called me to tell me that his wife is prego.  This coming weekend, I will be attending a 2 month birthday party for my friend’s new born son.  Within the next six months alone, I will have at least another 5 weddings to go to.  In less than a month, I will be twenty nine years old!!

And yet, it’s funny.  I don’t feel that old.  Yes, I’ve been through a lot.  I’ve been there and done many things in my almost twenty nine years, … but I still feel like there’s so much I need to do.  So much I haven’t done yet, accomplished yet.

But then, reality hits me.  I look at my friends, … most of them are married, or are well on their way to getting married.  Hell some even have kids as I mentioned before.  Everyone is settling down.  Some have even purchased a house.  No, not a condo, I mean a real house, … with a lawn, trees in the backyard, kind of house. 

WTF?  When the hell did I get so friggin old?  It’s fucked up how time just sneeks up on you like this.  I’m here, just minding my own fucking business, doing my thing, … working, hanging out with friends, just enjoying myself, … and all of a sudden, BAM.  I’m old.  Too old to be an American Idol.  Too old to be on the Real World or Road Rules.  Too old to date a 21 year old.

Damn, … life sucks.  I’m depressed.  All you young people can die!

A lot of the xangas I read, by chicks that is, are all about how a guy should be this, and how sexy a guy that does that is, … blah blah blah.  Well, … here’s one of mine.

To me, there’s nothing more attractive than a chick that sings well.  I can’t help it.  Sure, if you don’t sing well, then it’s not necessarily a negative (if you’re hot enough otherwise, haha), … BUT, I’ll tell ya, … if you’re belting out vocals that makes the hair on my arms get a boner, well, … the real one’s not so unlikely to follow.  Heh.

You remember from American Idol a couple of weeks ago, they had this chick who was supposedly a model?  I don’t know if she’s still one of the contestants now, but I saw her singing “Come to My Window” that night.  And boy did she suck ass.  And as she’s yelling and screeching out the lyrics on the TV, all I can think was, damn, … what a turnoff!  What a shame that such a hot chick has to ruin it by singing like a goon!  Well, let me clarify. 

If she wanted to sleep with me, would I say yes?  Of course I would. 

Would I kick her out of bed for eating crackers?  No. 

Would I actually beg her to let me sleep with her?  Probably. 

But while I’m having sex with her she breaks out in song?  No thank you.  Mood kill.

Now, … on the flip side, there are some ugly chicks with the most amazing voice that makes them sooo much better! 

OK, … bad example.  Tracy Chapman is just too ugly to bang no matter how velvety her voice is.  Period.  HAHA.

****What the hell is wrong with some of you people??  How could you not know what “the hand” is??  It’s the STOP signal that you gesture with our palm facing away from you.  I can’t fathom how some people who live in NYC haven’t seen this.****

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I’ve been sooooo fucking busy and stressed, I don’t have time to write a proper xanga entry.  So I’ll just leave you folks with one of my gripes.

Do you know what pisses me beyond all means?  When stupid chicks cross the street with their arms sticking out, giving you ”the hand.”  You know what I’m talking about, … the stiff arm. 

Sure, if you’re on a football field, with a ball in your hand, trying to break tackles, I see nothing wrong with “the hand.”  But if you’re simply crossing the street and using “the hand,” I just want to beat you senseless with your own high heeled shoe.   See, not only is it unneccessary, it’s all about the attitude behind it.  She’s got her one arm sticking straight out, her head facing the other side, tilted slightly up, and the other arm on her hip, and doing that, …. that, …. walk.  That fucking cracked out hooker walk.  You know what I’m talking about.  I HAAAAATE THAT!!!  ARGH!!!!! 

If I’m driving, and a stupid bitch crosses the street like that in front of me, I would almost give Yao Ming a foot massage to be able to slam on the gas and run the bitch over without any recourse.  Wait, … that’s not good enough.  I’d also have to be able to stop the car, pop it in reverse and back up into her again for good measure. 

Sorry if I sound sexist, … but despite the fact that I am indeed a sexist pig, … I haven’t seen many guys do this.  Well, …  except for my ambiguously gay friend, but that was excusable because it happened during his time of month.  But getting back to it, … if you are one of those chicks that do this, then you can eat shit and die.  Yes, … all of you.

Every guy likes the idea of titties in their face.  Well, every straight guy, that is.  It’s fantastic.  Imagine a nice, soft set of boobies being rubbed on all over your face.  How great is that??  *sigh*

So you go to a stip club with your boys, and you get a lap dance.  Okay, … more specifically, a strip club outside of boston, because boston strip clubs are lame.  Do you know that in a boston strip club, a lap dance means that the chick will stand about 2 feet away from you, shake her ass and then take $20 from you?  WTF?  

Anyway, … I digressed.  Getting back to titties in your face.  So you go to any strip club outside of boston, and this chick with her fake D cups, comes up to you and shakes her ass in front of you.  She’ll then take her boobies, put your face in between them, …. and SHAKE!  WOOHOO!

But not really.  Here’s the thing.  I don’t know if you guys have ever experienced this before, … but for me, … even though the idea of it sounds great, the reality of it kinda blows ass.  Think about it.  First of all, you can’t breath.  Hell, … you’re being smothered for fucks sake.  That’s not sexy, nor is it sensual.  If someone were to come up to you with a pillow to your face, … what would your natural reaction be?  To enjoy the softness of it?  No!  It would be to hold your breath.  Instinctively that’s what you do.  And replacing boobies for a pillow doesn’t make a damn differnce in the world.  You are not breathing for the entire duration of that boobie rub. 

Secondly, it’s embarrassing.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a squimish guy at all, and I don’t get embarrassed easily.  But hell, when some chick comes up to me, grabs my head and smothers it in her breastesses, …. well, … I’m sorta embarrassed.  It doesn’t matter how much you expect it.  The reality of the situation is that a complete stranger is standing in front of you, and is now rubbing her cans in your face.  It’s pretty fucking awkward and pretty fucking surreal, no? 

Finally, … those aren’t even nice titties.  They’re fake and hard.  It’s kinda like getting slapped around in the face by a couple of dodge balls.  Not cool.  I don’t know, … maybe I’m just wierd.  Maybe I think too much and it prevents my enjoyment.  Trust me, I would like to find pleasure in a tittie rub.  And I’m sure some of you guys will think I’m strange, and I’m sure Jay321, Kai119, and Segene will jump at this opportunity to make homo comments (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  Whatever, … I’m just being honest.

I can’t remember what I was watching the other day, but there was a preview for a TV show or something like that.  So this guy and his chick are at a basketball game, and during half time, the guy brings his gf out onto the court and proposes to her.  So on national television, the chick says, … NO!  HAHAHAHAHA!!  What a fucking moron!!  Holy shit, …. watching that made me bust out laughing so hard!!

Yeah, yeah, … before some of you bleeding heart, sex and the city watching, puppy dogs and ice cream, saps come down on me about being an evil fuck, consider this.

Before you propose to a chick, you should have a pretty good idea what her answer is going to be.  Fuck the whole romance of not knowing and being surprised crap.  The reality of the situation is this.  Chicks will pretty much always let you know what they want.  It’s just in their nature.  They just can’t shut the fuck up about anything.  True, … although it may sometimes be difficult to pick up on subtle hints like her saying to you ”if you don’t marry me, I’m going to leave you, you fuck,”  she will eventually make sure you get the message.

If you don’t know what her answer is going to be, then chances are, it’s probably a no.  So don’t go on national television and get humiliated.  What the fuck are you doing?  Why are you going to spend $10K on a friggin shiny little rock, and god knows how much more to be on national TV, if you’re not sure she’s going to say yes??  I don’t feel bad for you, … I laugh at you for being a moron.  Chances are, … you already knew that she was going to say no, … and  you thought that she would feel the pressure of being on TV to not break your heart in front of millions of people.  Well if that was the case, … then fuck you for being a pathetic fuck.

Also, it serves you right for choosing such a cheesy way to propose.  YES!  Be original, why don’t you?  OOH, .. next time try sky writing! 

For some reason, those two ideas always make me roll my eyes uncontrollably.  Hell, … I heard some fucked up marriage proposals stories in my time.  No joke.  But all of them, no matter how retarded, seem like a better option than the two most played out proposal ideas of all time. 

Whatever, … the funny thing about it is this.  For some reason, people will feel sorry for that schmuck.  Whereas I’m laughing my ass off hysterically, … there will be dozens of stupid chicks thinking that was sooo romantic and unfortunate what happened to him, and are throwing themselves at that loser.  Oh well, … whatever makes you happy.

Here’s the link.  Thanks to cut_the_mullet

http://www.kfma.com/FRANK/pics/random%20pics/pwned.wmv

Cool.  I’ve been given a free trial of Xanga Premium.  YAY!!  So what’s so good about it?  It seems as though it’s the same shit.  Hmm, … maybe you’re able to insert more .  (OK, .. that was GAY.  Sorry, I won’t do it again people.)  But yes, … I think it’s absolutely GAY for guys to go around using those smiley faces.

Anyways, … so for some reason, I was watching the Sex and the City finale the other night.  Yes.  I know I’ve complained about how retarded the show was, … and rightfully so.  But I couldn’t help but watch it that night.  I was surrounded by my sister, Mr. I’m Obsessed with Korean Videos, and Mr. I Like to Touch Men and Have Men Touch Me Back.  And of course, those fagaloids … “wasn’t havin nothin else, … girlfriend.”

So I’m watching this fucking show and near the end, Mr. I Like to Touch Men and Have Men Touch Me Back yells out, …

“Man, … that’s so fucked up.  How could that bitch just break up with the Russian like 20 minutes ago, and be kissing another guy!”

Which is absolutely true.  Were we the only people to find that odd?  See, … this is yet another example of how girls don’t really look back.  You know what’s more fucked up?  I bet you none of you chicks who saw that found it odd at all. 

See, … immediately after a break up, while the guy is on his way to the local bar, the chick is already looking through her phone book looking for other guys to console her.  What the fuck.  But maybe it’s cuz I’m a guy and I’m more nostalgic, but hell, … I think you can at least give it a little time, no?  How in the world can you feel right kissing another guy, literally twenty minutes after you broke up with someone else?  Oh, … and not just someone, … this “someone” was someone that you decided to leave everything and move to another country for!  What happened to the mourning period, for fucks sake?

But that’s just it.  Women are forward looking.  They really don’t need to “mourn” if they have something else to look forward to.  The future means everything to them.  Which is why it’s so true to think that just as long as you can provide a better future for a chick, she’ll stay with you.  Hell, … our entire society is structured around that.  The men focus on hard work and are supposed to be the dominant bread winners.  That’s what’s considered “manly.”  To be responsible, to be able to take care of his family, to be able to “provide.” 

And if you examine what women focus on (and I’m speaking in very general, macro-sociological terms so please, don’t go on commenting, … “well, I’m not like that”), you find that they place an enormous importance on their physical appearance.  They spend time and money on their hair, nails, make up, clothes, blah, blah, …. And for what?  To be attractive enough to catch the eye of multiple providers that will want to take care of her so that she could pick and choose.

So my point for bringing up this argument?  I really have none.  Just felt like rambling.

Realizing just how small the world really is, I’ve decided to change my xanga screen name.  It would be absolutely shitty to meet someone in a business setting and have them recognize me from friggin xanga, … getting the wrong impression of me (well, … actually knowing for sure that I’m an asshole before I get to demonstrate that in real life).

So, boys and girls, … this is my new xanga site.  For those of you that know me, please refrain from referring to me by my real name.  If your comment addresses me by my real name (first or last), although I don’t believe in deleting comments, I will be forced to pull a segene and become an evil censor.

With that being said, … I just realized something the other day that was very, very sad. …… William Hung gets more pussy than me.

 I BANG, … I BANG, … more chicks than you!