So, … I started noticing that my hairline was receding back in High School.  It wasn’t a big deal then, since I still had a lot of hair, and the receding hairline wasn’t too bad.  Just a little more pronounced on the side temple areas of my head, almost like it made a weird outstretched “m” shape for my hairline.

Sure, my buddies used to joke about it saying, “dude, … you’re gonna be bald in five years!”  Or the more clever fuckers used to come up with shit like “dude, … if you stick a flashlight up your ass, we can signal for batman!”  But, everyone knew that I wasn’t the poster child for teenage balding by any means.

And I’m proud to say, that I’ve been able to outlast my eventual hair demise much longer than I had anticipated.  I always thought by the time I was 25 or even 30 that I’d be full blown bald.  *** full blown bald = when you make balding jokes about yourself, people stop saying “oh, you’re not bald, … stop.”  Very much akin to full blown fat – when your friends stop making fun of you about how fat you’re becoming. 

But now that I’m 33, I guess I’ve finally fell from my questionable balding status,

and have entered the full blown bald status,

when a few weeks back I got a call from one of my father’s friends.  Now, this guy is like George Jefferson bald.  Like, doesn’t even have enough hair to do a comb over, bald. 

So this guy calls me and tells me that he spoke to my mother and she suggested that he come over to show me this shampoo that he’s been using that’s been working wonders on his hair.  Normally, I’d brush people like this off, but since this guy was my father’s friend, I decided to be nice and told him to stop by.  So he comes by to my office carrying a friggin delux sized suitcase FILLED with hair products.  A whole suitcase FULL of products!  I mean this suitcase was friggin HUGE!  So big that this old man couldn’t lift it up the stairs by himself, big!

So he gets to my office, and the first thing he says is “look at my hair!”

And I guess I could see a difference, … I mean, the guy was completey bald, but then he had a like 10-20 strands of really thick black hair on the middle of his head.  He grew the hairs really long to make it a somewhat quasi-comb-over, except for the fact that he still had too few hairs to even justify a comb over.  It just looked messy, and it really, … he still just looked … bald. 

And he’s sitting there going on and on about how much hair he’s grown in the past few months and because he seemed really proud of himself for it, that I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s still, … bald.  So I compliment him on his new “tuft” of hair and then he proceeds to show me every single hair product he has been using to cultivate these precious locks on his head.  I listen as he takes out an electric scalp stimulating gizmo, and proceeds to demonstrate how to use it, and how he shows me all of these differnt tonics to rub into my scalp, morning and night.

After about an hour of this (I reallly didn’t even have the hour to waste to begin with), I bought a $40 bottle of shampoo and rushed him out of my office because I was being innundated with phone calls.

After he left, I started thinking about all these hair loss products out there and realized that even though some of these products work sometimes, it’s going to be extremely rare that you’re ever really going to recover your head of hair like you were 18 years old.  Most of the time, even if the “product” works, you’ll end up becoming that “bald guy with a few strands of hair on his head,” which in reality, is not so much different from just being that “bald guy.”

Anyways, so the moral of the story?  I don’t know.  I guess is that if nature wants you to be bald, there’s really not much you can do about it.  Just go along gracefully.  It’s just a matter how how you want to handle it.  Personally, I’ve decided to just go along with it until I can just completely shave my head.  That, and work out a lot.  Sure, I guess I could just shave it off now, … but it’s difficult for a skinny asian guy like me to pull off completely-shaved-bald.  I’d have to be a bit stockier, like John, to be able to pull that off.  If not, I’ll end up looking like one of those buddhist monks that you see in the airports.

That’s all for now you homos.  Hope everyone’s been well.

So I’m at work, in the bathroom, doing what I do best (dropping the kids off in the pool), when I look down at my pants around my ankles (actually my knees, but whatever) and realize, …. wtf??  my boxers are on backwards!

So I sit there chuckling at myself, and think about how tired I must have been this morning to not have noticed, and ponder if it’s worth the effort to take my pants off, and my shoes off,  just to switch my boxers around.  I mean, … if I hadn’t noticed by now, I probably wouldn’t have noticed all day, and really, … what difference does it make if the boxer’s are on backwards?  Sure, …. I do notice that in recent years, I’ve began to utilize the pee hole more and more, … but really, … is the pee hole that important?  Can’t I forgoe the use of the pee hole for just one day?

And so I decide that it’s just not worth it, finish up my business and pull just my boxers up first, just to make sure that it is indeed still comfortable on backwards.  I then look down to pull up my pants when I notice, …

There’s a split down the seat of my pants!!  That means I’ve been going around all morning with my bunghole having a clear path to the outside world!  WTF??

Oh, … the stupid things we do to make babies laugh. 

I don’t know why he likes “GGOONG” so much, but he thinks it’s hilarious.

Tear Jerker

My wife and I went to a one year old’s birthday in Philadelphia this past weekend.  At her house we saw a children’s book that made my wife bawl harder than my son does when he has a poopy diaper.  Here’s some exerpts from the book.  (Someday by Alison McGhee).  It starts with:

Some more exerpts include,

Sometimes, when you sleep, I watch you dream, I dream too, …

That someday you will dive into the cool, clear water of a lake, …

Someday you will run so fast and so far your heart will feel like fire, …

Someday you will look at this house and wonder how something that feels so big can look so small, …

Someday I will watch you brushing your child’s hair, …

yadda yadda yadda, ….

Does this stuff make you cry? 

Pansies, …

Taken from Phatboy113‘s site.

Are you kidding me??  This is what Peru’s center Carlos Bazalar did to celebrate his game winning goal over Korea this past saturday.

When I first read this, I thought, OMG, what a moron.  He’s going to get suspended or fined or something.  So I went to search for some news relating this this incident curious to see what happened to him.  I googled Carlos Bazalar and racist gestures.  I got nothing.  So I decided to go onto FIFA.com and see if they addressed this.  Nope.  Nothing.  NOT EVEN ONE FRIGGIN SENTENCE!! 

So I sent an angry email.  And I urge everyone to send one too.  This can’t go unnoticed!!

contact@fifa.com or go to FIFA.com an click on the very bottom, contact fifa.

My wife emailed me this picture today.  This has to be the best picture we’ve taken so far.  It literally made me laugh out loud.  (I won’t write “LOL” cuz that’s just fucking gay.)

Happy Baby

As per House_of_Groove’s request:

Angry Baby

So I’m officially a month into fatherhood.  So far, so good.  I’m not as tired as I thought I would be, but then again, I guess that’s because all I do is get up and change a diaper.  I’d probably be saying something very different if I had to stay up for another half hour afterwards with a baby attached to my nipple.

The wife, though, has been a bit fruit loopy, lately.   I think somewhere along the whole birth giving process, her wires got crossed, and she hasn’t been the same since.  Besides the expected level of mood swings (you’ve got to expect that a chick will have some post pregnancy hormonal imbalance), she’s just been acting rather odd.

Like the other day after dinner, when we decide to give Colin a bath, she tells me that she’s going to go to the bathroom first.  Then she proceeds to go the bathroom, while I decide that I’ll just go get the baby ready for the bath.  But after she gets out of the bathroom, she proceeds to go directly into the kitchen to clean up.  I ask her to hurry up because I now have a naked baby in my hands, when she snaps angrily “I just told you that I was going to clean up first!”  (As a side note, you never want to leave your baby naked for a long time.  Not because he might get cold, … but because that thing is a pooping and peeing machine.  You have no idea how many times I’ve been pooped on and peed on.  It’s almost as if he’s just waiting for me to take off his diaper.  That little fucker.) 

But I digress.  Anyways, so adamant was she, that for a second, I thought she might have said that she was going to clean up first in addition to telling me that she was going to the bathroom.  So when she was done cleaning up, I calmly asked her.  “Did you say that you were going to clean up first?  Or did you say that you were going to go to the bathroom first?”  To which she replied, “I told you I was going to clean up first!” 

I then asked her, … “Wait, … what did you do when you got up after you told me that?”  And then she paused, and then grinning said, “I went to the bathroom.”

Now, if this was the only time something like this happened, I wouldn’t think anything of it.  But the funny thing is, is that this happens all the time now!  She’ll say one thing, but then think she said something else.  Which is especially unnerving since her hormones are all crazy and she’ll snap at you like she’s Paula Abdul.  So I’m a bit cautious about correcting her.  But I’ll tell ya.  This has made my life quite entertaining.  It’s like I’m constantly playing a “break the code” game.  It’s like she decided to rearrange her vocabulary to make all the words have different meanings.  Kinda like when Ogre (from Revenge of the Nerds II) said “What if C-A-T, really spelled dog?”

But in her defense, I have to admit, that I don’t really make the situation any better.  I can tell that her hormones are raging, and yet I think it’ll be funny if I just fuck with her a bit.  Like sometimes when she asks me a question, I’ll just answer her with something completely unrelated, and then pretend like I’m annoyed when she asks me again.  Or, sometimes, I’ll write a blog entry just to poke fun at her.  What an insensitive assclown I am!

I will call him Mini-Me!

Oh Mini-Me, … You complete me!

In response to people’s questions of what’s wrong with having a daughter, I decided to form a Top 20 list of reasons of why I don’t want any daughters.  So enjoy.

Top 20 Reasons Why I don’t want a daughter:

1. Little kids like to play “doctor.”

2. Girl’s clothes cost more, even at a young age.

3. I draw the line at Veronica Mars and Project Runway.  If I have to sit there and watch Dora the Explorer too, I’m going to lose my shit.

4. I don’t ever want to hear the words “Daddy, … my body’s changing.”

5. Or, “Daddy, … I need a training bra.”

6. Or “Daddy, … there’s this real cute boy in school.”

7. I really don’t need to deal with another “time of month,” than I already have to.

8. Do you know how much handbags cost these days?  Why would I want yet another person nagging me for a friggin bag?

9. People like Dirty Uncle Chy.

10. “Like, OMG, … does he like me?  Or like me like me?”

11. I can’t make my daughter go outside and mow the lawn, or shovel the driveway.  Ok, maybe I can, … but it won’t make me feel very good about it.

12. Have you ever watched Girls Gone Wild??

13. “Daddy, when you’re at Costco, can you pick me up the big box of tampons?”

14. Guys like me back in college.

15. OK, … guys like me back in HS.

16. OK fine, … the fact that guys like me in general exist.

17. The fact that stores like Victoria Secret exist.

18. It’s a horrible feeling to know that I’ll be contributing to the downfall of society by introducing to the world another chick driver.

19. It’s going to be really time consuming to have to drive her from the convent to the library back and forth everyday.

20. How am I supposed to go around being a chauvinist when I have a daughter that I’m trying to protect?