July 21, 2004

• I swear, … you chicks crack me up.  I mean, … you chicks sit there and complain about how men give you so much grief, such heartache, such pain and anguish, … yadda yadda yadda, … but if you look at the picture closely, … it’s not really men, … you chicks complain because you are all a bunch of masochists. 

  
  

  Yes.  All of you.  In one way or another.  You chicks are all gluttons for punishment.  You ask why so?  Well, I’ll tell you why.  Now, … let’s forget about the retarded chicks that stay with a guy that beats her, cheats on her, etc.  We can just blame emotional instability, or lack of brain cells, … whatever.  Instead, … let’s just look at the most commonplace things for answers.  The most basic of things. 

  
  

  Take for example something really elementry, as a pair of shoes.  So last week, I’m hanging out with this chick and she’s complaining about how much her feet hurt because of these new shoes that she bought.  Sure, … we’ve all had that problem before.  You wear a new pair of shoes and you get a little blister in the back of your ankle or something like that.  I can relate. 

  
  

  But then, I look at her feet, and HOLY SHIT!  Her feet were all sorts of fucked up with blisters on her toes, heels sides, everywhere!  

  
  

  *****I actually did a google image search to illustrate bisters on feet, … but the pictures that it pulled up were just tooo fucked up.  Those of you guys that know me will know how easily grossed out I get when it comes to feet, and so you know why I couldn’t bear to post pics like that on my page, even despite the fact that it would be at someone else’s expense.  HAHA!*****

  
  

  So anyways, … I see these blistered mangled ass feet of hers and am like, … “HOLY SHIT, …. why are you wearing shoes that hurt so friggin much??  Don’t wear those shoes anymore!”

  
  

  And you know what her reply was?  “It’s ok, … I just have to break them in.  They’ll be fine once I break them in.”

  
  

  ARE YOU SERIOUS??  Am I the only person that thinks that’s ludacris?  I don’t care if those shoes cost three hundred somewhat dollars and are from Channel or Gucci or whatever.  If those shoes make your feet look like that after you wear them, then you should NOT be wearing them.  In fact, … you should take those shoes back to the store and tell them that they fuck up your feet.  If they give you a hard time, … show them your mangled ass feet and I’m sure they’ll understand!

  
  

  Think about it.  That’s just like me voluntarily asking someone to punch me in the face repeatedly and then saying “oh, … it’s ok, … I just have to get used to the pain and I’ll be fine.  It’s worth it cuz I paid the nice, large fisted man three hundred dollars to do so.” 

  
  

  You see what I’m saying?  OK, … still not convinced?  Take haircuts for another example.  I remember a few years ago, another chick I know decided to get a perm.  So excitedly, she goes to the hair salon, pays like $100 or some ridiculous amount.  And what happens, … she comes out BAWLING! 

  
  

  

  
  

  “WAHH WAHH WAHH WAHH!!!  I LOOK LIKE A FRENCH POODLE!!  WAHH WAHH!!”  And she goes home and dunks her hair under a bathtub filled with water and proceeds to wash her hair twenty times over again.

  
  

  Now, … normal people would be like, … shit, … bad haircut.  Won’t do that again.  But chicks?  Fuck that.  A few years later, … 

  
  

  Chick:  “Hmmm, … maybe I’ll get a perm.” 

  
  

  Me:  “WHAT??  Are you serious??  Do you remember the last time you got a perm?”

  
  

  Chick:  “I don’t know, … I think it’ll be different this time, though.”

  
  

  Me:  “How the hell is it going to be different?  Did your face change over the past few years?  Did your eyesight change?  So then how in the world do you think that a perm look any different on you??”

  
  

  And yet, … she’ll go ahead and do it anyways.  Almost like she needs another reason to cry her eyes out and be miserable for another few months until her perm washes out.

  
  

  You need more examples?  What about those brazilian waxing things.  Man, … I pluck out a pube and I get all teary eyed.  How the hell are you going to sit there and wax that shit off, and THEN, … have some chick go at all the loose pubies with a friggin tweezer?  Can we all say a collective, O-U-C-H??!!

  
  

  

  
  

  See, … this is what I’m saying.  You chicks act love pain.  You must.  Or else why on earth would any sane person want to hurt themselves so badly?  You inflict so much pain on yourselves on a regular basis, it amazes me.  And this is why I think you chicks are so friggin crabby.  No wonder you chicks bitch about guys so much.  Hell, … I’d be crabby as hell if I went through all this unnecessary self-inflicted pain and anguish as you chicks do.  And I guess it’s only natural that you take it out on someone.  Much easier to do so than to take it out on yourself.  No?

  
  

  So my point?  I’m just saying that if you chicks cut all this other unnecessary self inflicted pain out of your lives you’d all be much happier, jovial folk.  So the next time you feel all cranky and nasty, ask yourself, … are you really angry because he got piss drunk with his buddies?  OR, … is it because your feet are all mangled up, you look like a french poodle, and your cooch is puffy, red, and irritated.

  
  

  

  • 9:21 am
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