July 26, 2007

• So I’m officially a month into fatherhood.  So far, so good.  I’m not as tired as I thought I would be, but then again, I guess that’s because all I do is get up and change a diaper.  I’d probably be saying something very different if I had to stay up for another half hour afterwards with a baby attached to my nipple.

   

  The wife, though, has been a bit fruit loopy, lately.   I think somewhere along the whole birth giving process, her wires got crossed, and she hasn’t been the same since.  Besides the expected level of mood swings (you’ve got to expect that a chick will have some post pregnancy hormonal imbalance), she’s just been acting rather odd.

   

  Like the other day after dinner, when we decide to give Colin a bath, she tells me that she’s going to go to the bathroom first.  Then she proceeds to go the bathroom, while I decide that I’ll just go get the baby ready for the bath.  But after she gets out of the bathroom, she proceeds to go directly into the kitchen to clean up.  I ask her to hurry up because I now have a naked baby in my hands, when she snaps angrily “I just told you that I was going to clean up first!”  (As a side note, you never want to leave your baby naked for a long time.  Not because he might get cold, … but because that thing is a pooping and peeing machine.  You have no idea how many times I’ve been pooped on and peed on.  It’s almost as if he’s just waiting for me to take off his diaper.  That little fucker.) 

   

  But I digress.  Anyways, so adamant was she, that for a second, I thought she might have said that she was going to clean up first in addition to telling me that she was going to the bathroom.  So when she was done cleaning up, I calmly asked her.  “Did you say that you were going to clean up first?  Or did you say that you were going to go to the bathroom first?”  To which she replied, “I told you I was going to clean up first!” 

   

  I then asked her, … “Wait, … what did you do when you got up after you told me that?”  And then she paused, and then grinning said, “I went to the bathroom.”

   

  Now, if this was the only time something like this happened, I wouldn’t think anything of it.  But the funny thing is, is that this happens all the time now!  She’ll say one thing, but then think she said something else.  Which is especially unnerving since her hormones are all crazy and she’ll snap at you like she’s Paula Abdul.  So I’m a bit cautious about correcting her.  But I’ll tell ya.  This has made my life quite entertaining.  It’s like I’m constantly playing a “break the code” game.  It’s like she decided to rearrange her vocabulary to make all the words have different meanings.  Kinda like when Ogre (from Revenge of the Nerds II) said “What if C-A-T, really spelled dog?”

   

  But in her defense, I have to admit, that I don’t really make the situation any better.  I can tell that her hormones are raging, and yet I think it’ll be funny if I just fuck with her a bit.  Like sometimes when she asks me a question, I’ll just answer her with something completely unrelated, and then pretend like I’m annoyed when she asks me again.  Or, sometimes, I’ll write a blog entry just to poke fun at her.  What an insensitive assclown I am!

  • 1:42 pm
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