April 13, 2006
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It’s been a while. Hope you fuckers didn’t miss me too much. Anyways, to give you guys an update, married life is good. Can’t complain. The only thing I’ve missed being married, I guess, is not being able to bang other chicks. HAHA. Joking, joking. No, the only thing that I’ve missed being married is food. And this, I’m being serious about.
Now, when I say food, I’m not talking about “food,” as in a substance that you ingest and digest to maintain your vital life functions. No. I’m talking about food, as in things that actually have taste. Now don’t get me wrong. To give my wife credit, she is a very good cook. Some may disagree, … and when we first met, I would have to agree that she wasn’t a great cook. OK. Fine, … she was downright bad. But these days, I must admit that her cooking is very much improved, and actually very good!
But it’s not her cooking that’s bad. No, … it’s actually the ingredients that she uses. Everything in our house is now fat free, sodium free, reduced sodium, low fat, low carb, low cal, … you name it. If they make a product that extracts all the flavor out of food and replaces it with tofu, my wife will buy it. And buy it in bulk.
And the fucked up thing about it is this. She won’t even tell me. So I’m sitting there, eating my low sodium, low fat spam (yes, I eat spam and I like it), and I won’t notice a thing! (But this is not my fault because I just don’t have very active taste buds.) Now, I’m sure you’re asking, “So if you don’t notice, then what’s the big deal then?”
Well, … the big deal is this. When I finally do taste the full flavored version of any food, THAT is when I realize how good food could have been! That’s when I realize that I’ve been deceived!! It’s like picking up a chick at a dimly lit club thinking she’s hotter than hell, only to see her outside and realize she was a troll. I made this startling realization a little while back, when I was in the kitchen eating some Muenster cheese. So I’m sitting there munching on some slices of cheese when I think to myself, wow, .. this is really good! So I tell Susie, … “hey, which brand is this cheese? We should really buy this from now on! It’s much better than the other one’s we’ve been eating before!”
And that’s when she revealed to me that it wasn’t the brand that was the difference, but that they ran out of the low sodium Muenster, and so she had to buy the full sodium! Appalled, I started to think, “wait, … if she buys low sodium cheese, then what else low sodium/fat/taste has she bought and mixed into my diet??” And so I looked around. Low calorie margarine instead of butter. Low fat spam. Low carb pasta (is this even allowed?? I thought that was an oxymoron!) Fat free milk. Low fat yogurt. Low fat maple syrup! And the list goes on and on! Actually, … there wasn’t one thing in the house that was the “original” formula!
Now get this. So she won’t let me buy full flavored anything, saying that that stuff is no good for you, and all the stuff she buys is healthy and yadda yadda yadda, … while she’ll go out and buy all the chocolate, cookies, cakes, and dessert she wants! What a food nazi.
Comments (24)
Haha, this is so funny, and you guys are so cute.
how bout buying the groceries and cooking for her then? its strange how clueless you sound bout your own diet. hehe
hahaha hilarious. i’m going to link to you.
I object!
All the fruit, veggies, and meats in the fridge are in their “original” state. As a matter of fact, it’s all organic, hormone-free, and/or free-range….
this entry was great – but even better when I saw the pic for cinnabunz’s profile pic of a hamburger – HAHA!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! this is even funnier cuz she is SO like this! fat free everything with low carb, organic food and yet, a chocolate souffle for dessert! ahahahahhaahahahahha. (susie, i’m not laughing AT you, i’m laughing WITH you!) =P
freakin hilarious! i love it. i totally think d is going to lose weight instead of gaining after we’re married.
woman’s perogative.. sorry bro.. unless you want to put on the apron
HAHAHAHA.
Double standards.
Jeez, your last post was in January. Thought you were dead… but then I remembered you’re married now.
i like how your entry got the attention of all the ladies, you homo! you’re like the Asian version of Dr. Phil.
there is only one instance where something low calorie/low fat tastes better than the original, that’s Diet Coke.
Btw, welcome back fool!
very cute. what a great wife. she cares for your health~
sucker. it didnt stop you from delegating how many cookies we got to eat that day at brunch.
that’s freaking awesome that she looks out for your health like that!! damn, i feel like a horrible wife now….damn it susie~!
That’s hilarious. I’m glad married life is treating you pretty well. You’re wife obviously wants you around for a while.
that’s funny. Your blog reminds me of my friend’s teacher. Her husband loves whole milk, but she’s into low fat ones so what does she do? Buy both cartons, then pour out the whole milk, fill it up w/ low fat milk. Eventually she just bought glass jar and fill it up low fat, but insist to her husband it’s whole milk. He’s been doing this for 30+ years w/o knowing. When he goes to his friend’s house and drink the real whole milk, he insisted that theirs are bad, and the kind his wife bought is better.
aww you’re back! glad to see that married life is treating you well. i say if it’s good anyway, leave it alone. at least she’s not making you eat chef boyardee!
you’ll thank her later when you’re middle aged and without a pot belly!!
Happy Birthday Old Man!
funny stuff… you need your own fridge.
my husband wont let me cook anymore…..
haha…that’s funny~ Just think of it this way – she loves you so much she wants to keep you around as long as possible- =)
Hey man-
Thanks for the advice. I really like Georgetown but I had heard that recruiting was not that great. Did most of your class mates find jobs or did a large % not have jobs after graduation?
haha. You are absolutely correct. Either way , it is a win-win for me.
Nevertheless, I really want to go to G’town. I had a great time when I visited and I liked everyone that I met. Nobody was pretentious and all of the students were really helpful. It would also be sweet to have 2 years off to ‘re-charge’. I’m really burnt out.
The recruiting is what concerns me. I’m sure that I will find a job after graduation but I want to make sure that I’ll be able to interview with the major banks on campus.
Quick question – how’s the alumni network in NYC? Is there a large McDonough network here? Do you go to any events in NYC? Also, how is the alumni job database?
Sorry for so many questions, I just want to make the right choice.
lol. quick!! go stuff yourself a big mac!! lol.