November 7, 2005
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So I was at herald square with my wife a couple of weeks ago. I was on line at Mrs. Fields cookies because apparently, my wife will die if she doesn’t get cookies. Anyways, I must admit, I was feeling quite miserable and irritable that day. Maybe it was the lack of cigarettes for the whole day, or maybe it was because me and my wife were being snippy with each other (but it’s not my fault that she takes 50 million hours and several trips back and forth from the macy’s cellar to the 7th floor bridal regristry section to decide on a friggin toaster!!!@@#@!). Or maybe it was because I was tired of running from Crate and Barrel to Macy’s to Staples, only to have to look forward to going grocery shopping on my only day off. Or maybe I just missed my testicles. I don’t know. But I was feeling a bit cranky.
But as I’m wallowing in utter agony as I watch my wife painfully try to explain to the slow witted Mrs Fields employee that she should be getting a free cookie when she orders a dozen, I see a very large heavy set security guard lumber up to the counter and ask for a cup of ice. The Mrs Fields chick, apparently having eaten too many of them free cookies working there was moving very slow with our order so that the security guard had to wait. So while he’s waiting, he realizes he has to sneeze and so he turns his head towards the ground and lets out an enormous ACHOO!!
Unfortunately, there happened to be a little girl that was standing right underneath that sneeze, also waiting on line to get some cookies. As soon as the security guard realized that she was there, a look of shock came over his face. And he said, … “oooh shit, …” and just stood there stunned and embarrassed that he sneezed all over the little girl. Me, … being the prick that I am, just incase he hadn’t noticed, decided to point out the the security guard, ..
“Doode, … you just sneezed ALL OVER that little girl!!”
And then couldn’t control my laughter. The little girl, now with snot on her head, and after the initial shock of being sneezed on by a very large man subsided, started wailing at the top of her lungs and seeked comfort in the arms of her mother. Me, seeing that she was obviously distraught made me laugh even more! Even thinking about the scene right now, as I’m typing is making me crack up in front of the computer. The security guard, now thoroughly embarrassed just walked away from the scene without his cup of ice.
Am I the only insensitive prick that gets so much pleasure out of this?
Comments (23)
i wouldnt call you an insensitive prick… more like an insensitive vagina with all the shopping you do with the new wife.
i chuckled.
but most importantly, did your wife get the free cookie?
)
i guess you had to be there… HAHA
wow…. your life sucks……
that was funny… but even funnier are all the comments you’re getting from it.
poor little girl. she’ll never eat another cookie again.
that’s funny like when a fat person falls on the sidewalk. the kind of funny that makes you ashamed of yourself
Holy boring.
wait a minute, this happened a couple of weeks ago? And you still find it funny, enough to blog about it?
boring life much lately?
stupid things brighten one’s dark days…
LMAO I found it friggin hilarious… so you’re not alone.
ROFL, NO.
you’re right. pants are over-rated. From now on, i’m going pantless.
ahhahah, i think you were happy that someone had a worse day than you
rofl. you just had to point it out.
you douche-bag! you find so much pleasure out of this because you’re married. well, that and the fact that you’re GAY.
simple equation: Doctorevil1+Marriage= Game Over
sorry, i made a mistake with my equation…
Doctorevil1+Marriage= Doctor Neutered
yes, yes you are.
…..
you know what would have been funnier? if it were you instead of the little girl.
DOUCHE-BAG!
stop writing shit like that on my xanga you FUCKER! i told you, i have church people reading it now.
I feel bad for the lil girl